Choking can be a fun kink, but it’s also dangerous. It’s important to talk about it with your partner and agree on boundaries and a safe word beforehand.
For some submissives, choking turns them on because it makes them feel powerless. However, it’s crucial to choke the side of the neck, not the front or windpipe, in order to be safe.
1. Know Your Limits
If you’re interested in exploring choking, start by asking your partner what their limits are. Do they want you to lightly rest your hand on their neck or would they like you to apply more pressure? And do they have a safe word in case they feel unsafe or want to stop the act early?
If they’re open to it, try choking them with two hands. This can add to the intensity and euphoria of the experience. It can also feel incredibly intimate, as the neck is an erogenous zone and holding their neck in your palm can feel really sensual and loving. And if you can do it while making intense eye contact, even better.
Another way to explore choking is with a collar or rope. This can be a more subtle and less risky approach, but it’s still important to understand the limits of your partner before trying this type of play.
Many people find that choking makes them orgasm more, and it can make penetration more intense. It’s also a great way to practice dominance and submission. And if you’re into sadism or masochism, it can be really satisfying to watch your partner suffer and struggle as they orgasm. Just remember, choking can cause damage if it’s done wrong. And as with any kinky play, getting your partner’s enthusiastic consent is crucial.
2. Talk About It
Choking and other forms of breath play (erotic asphyxiation) may be very exciting and pleasurable but can also lead to heart problems, cardiac arrest and even death. This is why it’s essential to discuss it with your partner and get their enthusiastic consent before trying it.
It’s usually best to talk about kinks at the beginning of the sexual relationship, so that everyone knows what they’re into and can make informed decisions together. This is especially important with sexual activities that have risks involved like choke play.
As with any kink, it’s crucial to communicate your boundaries with your partner, as well as agreeing on a non-verbal safe word in case you become uncomfortable or lose consciousness. This could be something simple like a gesture or an action that they can do to let you know they need to stop, or it might be more complex, like a specific noise they can make or a sign they use for their kinks.
Many people who love to choke in bed enjoy doing it for the physical rush, the erotic sensation of blocking oxygen supply and the power dynamic that it offers. It’s also a very orgasmic activity for women, often triggering intense climaxes and stimulating the release of feel-good hormones in their body. This combination of excitement, power and pleasure makes choking a very desirable kink.
3. Know Your Partner’s Body
It’s important to consider your partner’s body when choking them. For example, if they are in the Lotus position, a choking hand placed on the back of their neck can feel very intense and sensual. Alternatively, if your partner is in the Spooning position and you are facing each other, it’s easy for one of you to reach around and place a hand on their neck for some choking fun. This can be a lot of fun and a good way to play with each other’s dominance.
It can be tempting to start choking hard and fast, especially during orgasm. However, sex therapists recommend starting gently and moving up slowly. “If you want to try choking, it’s important to discuss how much pressure is comfortable before you get started,” says Saynt. “You can also talk about the timing—before or during penetration, oral, climax, etc.”
If you’re into sadism or masochism, then perhaps you might be interested in choking your partner during sex to watch them struggle or suffer. Whatever your reason, it’s a dangerous practice that can lead to serious injury or death if not done correctly. Moreover, oxygen deprivation can interfere with your ability to make decisions and use your safe word. It’s vital that you have your kinks discussed and agreed upon beforehand so that everyone understands the risks involved.
4. Know the Right Pressure
While choking can be intensely erotic, it also comes with serious health risks. It is not something that should be performed unless it’s discussed thoroughly and both partners are fully aware of the risks. When choking, it’s important to apply the right pressure. If you choke too hard, your partner can be injured or even lose consciousness. To avoid injury, make sure you’re not applying too much pressure and always have a safe word or non-verbal signal if things start to feel uncomfortable.
Many people enjoy choking their partners during sex as it can increase orgasm and make the experience more intimate. It can also help a partner feel more dominant and in control, which is sometimes what they’re looking for when engaging in kink. However, it’s important that you have your partner’s enthusiastic consent and that they know how to withdraw their consent or use their safe word if needed.
When choking safely, you’ll want to begin by lightly resting your hand on their neck without any pressure. Then, once they feel comfortable with that, you can slowly build up the intensity. When you’re choking in the lotus position, direct eye contact can be intensely hot and make the experience more erotic. It can also be pleasurable to have your partner shake their head when they need to breathe.